Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
