Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
