At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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