dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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