I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
