i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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