the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
