Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
