i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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