Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
