Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
