Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
