I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
