oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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