that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
