i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What a dumb baby whore.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize