You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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