ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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