Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
