i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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