I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
