I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
try to milk me bitch
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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