I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
