I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
