Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
she peed on how many people?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
