Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
