Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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