One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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