and she was petting her beer can
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im holly from the hills drunk
Houston, we have a squirter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
