I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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