yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
