I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
