She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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