butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
