I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
