If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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