Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
