I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's just like the Real World with babies
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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