There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
