i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
where does the pee come out of this thing
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
