Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
