he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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