What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
