i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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