first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
