omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
