as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
even my farts smell like vagina
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
