i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
