Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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