If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize