i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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