you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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