I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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