Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
