Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
