I want to stick my p in your. b.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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