we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
