omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
