During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
