Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
