Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
