if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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