as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
