He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You don't make any sense
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