Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize