There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
