Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
