whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
