i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
