You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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