I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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